The Perfect First Date Should Only Meet Two Requirements
Life is good, I thought to myself. I smiled at the sky. The sun was trying to make its way past the canopy of leaves. In cinematography, this is called dappled light.
I was laying down on my back in the grass, enjoying the soft spring breeze. We were sitting in the shade at the Vegan Festival in Capitol Mall. Kristina and Z were eating and chatting while I joined the conversation in my head. I love the sound of women talking to each other, it’s kind of like a white noise that relaxes me.
As their voices sent me into a dreamlike trance, I remembered that Engeline’s birthday was coming up. May 19th. And although it was a sad thought, I decided that this would be the first time in over 8 years that Yvonne could celebrate Engeline’s birthday with her. In heaven, Yvonne could shower her with gifts, and take her to the beach like she used to, and spoil her the way only a big sister knows how.
“Chris he’s here!” Kristina slapped my thigh, snapping me out of my Pisces-esque sentiments.
I honestly didn’t think he would show up. We were supposed to meet last weekend when he had invited me to Concert in the Park, only to cancel 15 minutes before our date.
I know this is lame. I feel really sick. Won’t make it.
Oh okay I hope you feel better!
Translation: How dare you — do you have any idea how many outfits I tried on before perfecting this look?
*pours whiskey on ice
*takes selfies to document impeccable makeup
*texts Kristina for urgent girl power sympathy
After attempting to give him the cold shoulder, he persisted to make it up to me and I gave in. But he was going to have to meet me and my girlfriends, in broad daylight, in all my sunlit imperfections, while gaining the approval of Kristina — the only person who could make or break this potential romance.
I quickly stood up and before I could observe his features we were hugging hello. He sat down with us and I stole a sideways look. Damn, he’s cute. Good job Christina, you swiped well. I gave myself a silent high five.
“Are you hungry, do you want to get some food?” I asked him.
He nodded enthusiastically and then immediately shook his head and winced. I look at him for clarification.
“Sorry, sorry, I don’t know why I say yes to everything, it’s a really bad habit of mine. I just immediately say yes to everything.”
“So…you don’t want to eat?”
He nodded again. I laughed then cocked my head to the side and studied him. Had I finally met someone as neurotic as myself?
Kristina observed us with amusement.
“Are you an indecisive person?” I asked.
“Yes! I know I’m the man I’m supposed to make all the decisions and all that but…”
“I’m really indecisive too!”
“Do you usually listen to your gut and make quick decisions or do you take a long time to think it through and then make a decision?”
“With big life decisions I listen to my intuition, but when it comes to picking a meal I’ll end up starving for 4 hours. But hey at least we’re both vegetarian, that’ll narrow things down a lot!”
“Do you cook?”
Man was coming in hot with the questions. And eager to share, I answered them all thoroughly. For the next 6 hours, he asked all sorts of clever questions, and I spilled my life out on a silver platter for him to digest and analyze.
Dammit Christina why do you do this — deep communication creates intimacy and good first dates should only meet two requirements — natural chemistry and a good make out session. Why did I reveal so much personal information? What’s the point of sharing your story, which is like literal pieces of your soul, when you might never even see this person again?
After we explored all that the Vegan Festival had to offer, including $11 Almond Milk Orange Juice and $17 Tacos, he invited me to continue our date at an indoor mini golf thing. Kristina was happy to get out of the heat and go take a nap with the cats, while Z stayed put to look for sexy African men.
Have fun call me when you’re done. He seems like a good guy.
I beamed at Kristina’s text of approval.
At the mini golf place, I found out he didn’t drink. Or did drugs. Or make inappropriate sexual innuendos as I bent over and practiced my swing and asked him how to properly hold a golf club. I found out that he was genuinely a nice, wholesome guy. His parents were together and healthy, his sister had a big house and three kids, and they all went back to visit India once a year.
What I couldn’t figure out was if he liked me. It had only been a couple hours, but so far there was no hand on my lower back and no flirtatious contact of any kind. But, it was there. The physical chemistry was definitely there. When he leaned in close to check the score card in my hand, a magnetic spark lit up the air between us. For a few milliseconds, knowing his skin was inches away from my skin, my stomach dropped and my heart skipped a beat. Requirement #1 could get checked off.
After he beat me at mini golf, and after I beat him at shuffle board, and after a million and one personal questions later, we went for a walk outside.
By this point, he knew how close I was with my dad and how often I talked to my mom. He knew how Yvonne suddenly died last year and he knew much Kristina’s friendship meant to me. He even knew about Anita. He even knew about my 10 Step Plan for getting my life together! I tried to reign it in, but he was just so good at asking all these questions.
“Do you want to get some ice cream?” he asked.
My eyes lit up. “Yes please! Do you like sweets?”
“I love sweets.”
I visibly swooned.
It was a ridiculously perfect date. We licked our ice creams and walked towards Old Sac. As we stood on one corner, not knowing which way to turn towards the waterfront, he pulled me in for an awkward hug at the most random moment. Who stops for an intimate hug on the corner of a crosswalk? I didn’t care. We had chemistry! It was undeniably there. I was floating, dizzy with warmth and excitement.
We sat down on a romantic spot by the river and he asked,
“So what step are you on now?”
“Mmm…Step 6. My next step is to get a car. Once I get a car -“ I realized he was looking at something behind me and I turned to look.
“I’m so sorry, I have ADHD I get so distracted. Seriously I’m so awkward and I always feel like I have to fill up the silence.”
He squinted apologetically.
Fascinating, I thought. I’m not the most awkward one on a date. There’s always a first for everything. That’s also when I realized, maybe all those questions weren’t about me. It was for him to fill any gaps of silence. Which made me wonder, was my story actually being heard? I decided it didn’t matter. I needed to focus on Requirement #2.
As he talked about his family, his job, his philosophical values and his car, I did what every girl does on a first date. I wondered if he could be my boyfriend. I wondered if we would have a cute romantic comedy play out IRL, or if he would end up ghosting me.
“…but yeah, my parents never showed any affection to each other growing up, so I kind of have a problem initiating affection. What about you?”
“I love physical affection.” I smiled and grabbed his hand. He squeezed it back.
We walked back along the pier and stopped to take in the view. Boats passing in the river. The sun dipping into amber clouds. Salsa music floating through the air. A casual dance class was taking place and after each song the partners switched and laughed and hugged. The next song played. We leaned against the railing and embraced. He kissed me on the forehead. I leaned my head against his chest. Can this be life?
It was all too intimate for a first date. I knew as much. “We had such good sex” would never warrant a second date. But “we had such a good time” always left women yearning for that follow up phone call. I was getting set up for disappointment, I could sense it already.
Maybe Requirement #2 wouldn’t happen. Maybe all my over-sharing would be wasted on someone who I would never see again. But this moment was so beautiful. Maybe, this scene where the guy and the girl are holding each other along the Old Sacramento Waterfront was magical enough to stand alone, without any further plot development.
It all felt so surreal. I hugged him a little tighter.
“Life is good,” I murmured.
“Life is good,” he echoed.
We met once more, and then, I never heard from him again.
